The reality hits home: I need to go through labour anytime in the next 4 weeks. Reading too much about it makes me nervous, but not reading enough would make me feel unprepared. I'm trying to balance reading the 'facts' with another book that encourages praying and letting God control the situation. Well, let's see if I would have a quiet calm birth that I wish for...
I'm going to start seeing my Obs weekly now and I think I should discuss with him my birth 'preference'. I would hope that he would appreciate my wish but I won't be surprised if he has other opinions. I asked him about 'water birth' and he seems to be against it, much to my surprise. I didn't read much about water birth so I couldn't really discuss in details about it. In the end, I just want a healthy baby out safely so I'm open to all the suggestions my Obs would give me on the labour day. My secret wish is actually to have a fast labour so my Obs won't have the time to suggest any interventions (episiotomy, c-section, forceps, etc).
Baby's doing well (I think), lots of movement and 2-3 hiccups a day now. I started to ignore food restrictions by drinking too much coffee and tea. I even had a ham & cheese croissant from the local bakery. On the other hand, I am taking extra supplements, Raspberry Leaf tablets, recommended by my midwife. I may try to get Evening Primrose as well one of these days. Oops, I almost forgot to take one today...
I bought lots of baby stuffs from Target and knowing I can return the goods if unused, I just grab every single baby items that I thought I might need. I just store them in the cupboard and will review it later when my mom is here. I need to start washing the hand-me-down baby clothes soon! But I keep tellling myself that it is not urgent. I think my MIL or mum will have time to wash all of them on the 'labour' day itself. We still need to buy baby cot and a car, which I hope to be ticked off the list sooner than later.
Looking forward to the next couple of weeks, with hubby's brother and his family coming staying with us, and my mum coming from Singapore...
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Third Trimester is finally here!
Despite not doing anything much at home, I didn't realize I'm in the third trimester of my pregnancy. Looking back, I have been wishing that it would come sooner but now I feel that I'm not ready to "push" yet. Oh well, there's still 2 more months to go now...
In March, hubby and I were too busy looking for another rental property to move to. I suggested that our current 2-bedroom apartment may be too small, especially since we may need some space for baby stuff and an extra room for my mom to stay when she's visiting here. At the same time, there's an apartment development right next to our apartment and it's getting very very noisy! I'm not taking any chance as there's already some cracks in one of the bathrooms from previous development.
My in-laws came back in March as well, after being away for half a year. I was initially happy for them to be back as it means I could eat home-cooked food (instead of home-delivery 'rantangan' food) and we have extra helps for the moving. But, their other son planned to come to Sydney for Easter holiday and invited my in-laws to come with them back to Toowoomba for holiday. Of course I would not stop them from having a holiday with their other son, especially since they rarely get to see him. But the lazy part of me is dreading moving without them hehee...
So we're moving to a 3-bedroom apartment back in Newington this weekend (Anzac day weekend), where we used to live when we first moved to Sydney. This lease would also mark the beginning of our 3rd year in Sydney, which would mean we have been moving every year! (Sounds like my CV!). Hopefully it is a much quieter place for all of us, a closer place nearer to our 2 friends (who live in the same area) and a more convenient place for public transport and grocery shopping.
Yesterday, I met up with my Obs and it is the start of my forthnightly check-up with him. I was worried that the bub is too small but he assured me that the size is quite normal considering I'm not big myself. He organized a 'fetal growth' ultrasound in 2 weeks' time and I would be looking forward to see bub in details! On another sad note, when I was trying to re-arrange my next appointment, I saw my Obs come out of the room with another pregnant lady (who was the patient after me) and he was talking softly to the midwife and I saw the lady was in tears! Oh no, I wonder what happened.... And I didn't realise that I was teary-eyed too (I tend to cry easily). I hope nothing serious happened to her and it made me realise how fragile life is sometimes.
Right, I am supposed to do more packing today and I'm anticipating my not-so-new stroller from my friend. I asked her to buy it on her US trip and bargained that she could even use it for her 3-yr old son during her trip there. And indeed she did! Thanks to her, hubby would get the stroller he likes (it was his choice) at a cheaper price (almost 50% cheaper). Of course it is not very new by now, but at least we have it tested by a 3-yr old and he seemed to enjoy it.
Next in our agenda would be looking to buy a new family car, and we plan to get one by end of May. Again, this is because we have a big family to start with (with in-laws and a baby coming soon) and we want to be able to have extra seats for guests (eg. my mom). My sister and her family is planning to come in August and my grand-aunt may also follow along. I'm looking forward to them visiting me! It's quite rare to have a visit from relatives (or friends) since we moved to Australia.
In March, hubby and I were too busy looking for another rental property to move to. I suggested that our current 2-bedroom apartment may be too small, especially since we may need some space for baby stuff and an extra room for my mom to stay when she's visiting here. At the same time, there's an apartment development right next to our apartment and it's getting very very noisy! I'm not taking any chance as there's already some cracks in one of the bathrooms from previous development.
My in-laws came back in March as well, after being away for half a year. I was initially happy for them to be back as it means I could eat home-cooked food (instead of home-delivery 'rantangan' food) and we have extra helps for the moving. But, their other son planned to come to Sydney for Easter holiday and invited my in-laws to come with them back to Toowoomba for holiday. Of course I would not stop them from having a holiday with their other son, especially since they rarely get to see him. But the lazy part of me is dreading moving without them hehee...
So we're moving to a 3-bedroom apartment back in Newington this weekend (Anzac day weekend), where we used to live when we first moved to Sydney. This lease would also mark the beginning of our 3rd year in Sydney, which would mean we have been moving every year! (Sounds like my CV!). Hopefully it is a much quieter place for all of us, a closer place nearer to our 2 friends (who live in the same area) and a more convenient place for public transport and grocery shopping.
Yesterday, I met up with my Obs and it is the start of my forthnightly check-up with him. I was worried that the bub is too small but he assured me that the size is quite normal considering I'm not big myself. He organized a 'fetal growth' ultrasound in 2 weeks' time and I would be looking forward to see bub in details! On another sad note, when I was trying to re-arrange my next appointment, I saw my Obs come out of the room with another pregnant lady (who was the patient after me) and he was talking softly to the midwife and I saw the lady was in tears! Oh no, I wonder what happened.... And I didn't realise that I was teary-eyed too (I tend to cry easily). I hope nothing serious happened to her and it made me realise how fragile life is sometimes.
Right, I am supposed to do more packing today and I'm anticipating my not-so-new stroller from my friend. I asked her to buy it on her US trip and bargained that she could even use it for her 3-yr old son during her trip there. And indeed she did! Thanks to her, hubby would get the stroller he likes (it was his choice) at a cheaper price (almost 50% cheaper). Of course it is not very new by now, but at least we have it tested by a 3-yr old and he seemed to enjoy it.
Next in our agenda would be looking to buy a new family car, and we plan to get one by end of May. Again, this is because we have a big family to start with (with in-laws and a baby coming soon) and we want to be able to have extra seats for guests (eg. my mom). My sister and her family is planning to come in August and my grand-aunt may also follow along. I'm looking forward to them visiting me! It's quite rare to have a visit from relatives (or friends) since we moved to Australia.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Glucose Test
Finally, after waiting 5 weeks since my last appointment, I'd get to see doctor and little bub again. As usual, doubts started to creep in and I kept asking my hubby "Do you think there's still a baby in there?", which he would answer "Yes...." Lucky for me he doesn't get tired of re-assuring me each time.
I got anterior placenta so I could not really feel baby's kicking very much. I think I started to feel some movements on my tummy but not sure what they are. Most of the time I could feel them when i'm watching TV or early in the morning (4-6am) when I woke up from sleep. Too bad I couldn't really share it with hubby, though he got excited each time I told him about it. So he is patiently waiting for the bub to get bigger....
As usual, hubby has a bad habit of being late for appointment and I have a bad habit of being in a bad mood whenever he's late. We arrived at 8.30am for our doctor's appointment and I was supposed to go for the glucose test first. Lucky our doctor was late so I could rushed down the hall to do the glucose test. I heard from my friend that the sugary drink is a bit yucky, but luckily it tasted like soft drink to me, so it was no problem for me to finish the bottle in 10 secs. I had started drinking soft drink for the last 2mths due to hot weather in summer.
We then waited our turn to see the doctor and he arrived quite shortly after that. I asked about whether it's alright to drink tea (though I'm trying to drink decaf if I could) and he said it's alright if I feel the urge to drink and as long as I don't drink it like water. I was worried about the baby's growth as I only put on 3 kg so far and it stayed that way since a month ago. He said that the weight gain would only be more abvious in the 3rd trimester. OK, I'd be looking forward to that. I told doctor that I carried an 11kg-baby last Saturday and ran to catch a free bus on Sunday (my hubby told me 'no no' on both) and worried on how it would impact the baby. He said not to worry about it as I would know if the weight is too much to carry. He did tell me before that I should act like a-70year old lady so I should move slowly. It's a bit hard for me to change, I tend to move reckless & abrupt when moving.
Sidetrack to my bus-running incident. On Sunday, we wanted to try this Thai restaurant in Darlinghurst for lunch but I didn't check the opening time and it only opens for dinner on weekends. So we headed down to Mamak (around Chinatown) to try their Malaysian food. After lunch, we wanted to go to QVB to look for birthday present and we chanced upon a Catholic church on George Street. The church looks modern and air-conditioned so I told hubby that he could try this next time with his parents. Then, I saw bus 555, a free bus covering the city area and I told hubby to catch it. I didn't leave him time to respond though, I ran for the bus and I hoped he followed me behind hehhee... We managed to catch it and I was explaining to him where the bus route is (since I worked in city and caught this bus several times). Then, I was surprised by.... 2 ladies who offered me their seat. My first thought was "Do I really look that pregnant!!" It's weird coz I would do the same thing they had done but now that I'm on the receiving end I don't understand why I felt 'uncomfortable' with the offer. Maybe.... I forgot that I was pregnant then, maybe .... I was not feeling tired (I was giggling & chatting excitedly with hubby at that time), maybe ... I was wearing a very loose blouse that I thought made me look 'just fat but not pregnant' hehehe.... So I took the offer & sat down elegantly as what a pregnant lady supposed to be!
Back to doctor's room, after the Q&A session, I finally got the chance to see the bub on ultrasound machine. As usual, I was holding my breath and waited for doctor to say there is a heartbeat. Yes, there is! Then he pointed us the head and legs. We had the same thought when he asked if we wanted to know the gender. Hubby & I said almost immediately "Yes!". He then played a little game and asked us to guess the gender by looking at the screen, "Do you see a 'burger' or a 'hotdog'". It's quite hard to see but it didn't look like hotdog so we guessed that it's a 'burger' (plus, my old Ob guessed it to be a girl) and he confirmed that it's a 'burger'. Now, we really need to think hard of a girl's name, and I can start looking for ballet school for her hahahaa.... A little mini-me inside me! (My hubby will protest that it's 'our' baby but I still have the tendency to say 'my' baby.)
We went back to do the blood test for the glucose test and we hope not to hear anything from the doctor in the next couple of weeks. No news is good news! Let me enjoy my cakes until then.
I got anterior placenta so I could not really feel baby's kicking very much. I think I started to feel some movements on my tummy but not sure what they are. Most of the time I could feel them when i'm watching TV or early in the morning (4-6am) when I woke up from sleep. Too bad I couldn't really share it with hubby, though he got excited each time I told him about it. So he is patiently waiting for the bub to get bigger....
As usual, hubby has a bad habit of being late for appointment and I have a bad habit of being in a bad mood whenever he's late. We arrived at 8.30am for our doctor's appointment and I was supposed to go for the glucose test first. Lucky our doctor was late so I could rushed down the hall to do the glucose test. I heard from my friend that the sugary drink is a bit yucky, but luckily it tasted like soft drink to me, so it was no problem for me to finish the bottle in 10 secs. I had started drinking soft drink for the last 2mths due to hot weather in summer.
We then waited our turn to see the doctor and he arrived quite shortly after that. I asked about whether it's alright to drink tea (though I'm trying to drink decaf if I could) and he said it's alright if I feel the urge to drink and as long as I don't drink it like water. I was worried about the baby's growth as I only put on 3 kg so far and it stayed that way since a month ago. He said that the weight gain would only be more abvious in the 3rd trimester. OK, I'd be looking forward to that. I told doctor that I carried an 11kg-baby last Saturday and ran to catch a free bus on Sunday (my hubby told me 'no no' on both) and worried on how it would impact the baby. He said not to worry about it as I would know if the weight is too much to carry. He did tell me before that I should act like a-70year old lady so I should move slowly. It's a bit hard for me to change, I tend to move reckless & abrupt when moving.
Sidetrack to my bus-running incident. On Sunday, we wanted to try this Thai restaurant in Darlinghurst for lunch but I didn't check the opening time and it only opens for dinner on weekends. So we headed down to Mamak (around Chinatown) to try their Malaysian food. After lunch, we wanted to go to QVB to look for birthday present and we chanced upon a Catholic church on George Street. The church looks modern and air-conditioned so I told hubby that he could try this next time with his parents. Then, I saw bus 555, a free bus covering the city area and I told hubby to catch it. I didn't leave him time to respond though, I ran for the bus and I hoped he followed me behind hehhee... We managed to catch it and I was explaining to him where the bus route is (since I worked in city and caught this bus several times). Then, I was surprised by.... 2 ladies who offered me their seat. My first thought was "Do I really look that pregnant!!" It's weird coz I would do the same thing they had done but now that I'm on the receiving end I don't understand why I felt 'uncomfortable' with the offer. Maybe.... I forgot that I was pregnant then, maybe .... I was not feeling tired (I was giggling & chatting excitedly with hubby at that time), maybe ... I was wearing a very loose blouse that I thought made me look 'just fat but not pregnant' hehehe.... So I took the offer & sat down elegantly as what a pregnant lady supposed to be!
Back to doctor's room, after the Q&A session, I finally got the chance to see the bub on ultrasound machine. As usual, I was holding my breath and waited for doctor to say there is a heartbeat. Yes, there is! Then he pointed us the head and legs. We had the same thought when he asked if we wanted to know the gender. Hubby & I said almost immediately "Yes!". He then played a little game and asked us to guess the gender by looking at the screen, "Do you see a 'burger' or a 'hotdog'". It's quite hard to see but it didn't look like hotdog so we guessed that it's a 'burger' (plus, my old Ob guessed it to be a girl) and he confirmed that it's a 'burger'. Now, we really need to think hard of a girl's name, and I can start looking for ballet school for her hahahaa.... A little mini-me inside me! (My hubby will protest that it's 'our' baby but I still have the tendency to say 'my' baby.)
We went back to do the blood test for the glucose test and we hope not to hear anything from the doctor in the next couple of weeks. No news is good news! Let me enjoy my cakes until then.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Trimester 2- Month 5
We were back from our Singapore trip in January 2010 & read about the changes in Medicare rebate for management fee of Obstetrician. Our Ob charges $3,500 for management fee, while the consultation fee is bulk-billed. Based on the changes, we would only get $200-400 from Medicare for management fee. It made me consider of changing Ob & started doing some research of other Obs & their reviews.
My friend suggested Dr Chua as her friend used his service before and she was satisfied. His management fee is lower, $1800, and since I was not exactly happy with my old Ob, I didn't mind taking the risk of trying a new Ob.
At the same time, I decided to try a new place for the 20week ultrasound (Morphology) that my friend recommened as it is bulk-billed. Again, it is partly due to effort to cut cost so I tried Castlereagh Imaging. It was not bad though the service & machine was not as good as the previous ultrasound my old Ob recommended (not bulk-billed). The sonographer couldn't see the sex of the baby but I told her that my old Ob said (based on her scan) that it could be a girl and her response was "Then it is 60% chance of a girl". Hmm... should I rush and buy all things pink now?
Our first appt with the new Ob went alright. It was during lunch time so hubby could accompany me. We had to see the midwife first and she did all the prep work (filling the form, checking blood pressure, etc) before we went to see Ob. His first reaction after calling my name: "Apa kabar?" & I knew right away he would be either a Malaysian or a Singaporean. He's Malaysian & he commented on the similar size he & hubby have (tall & big). He talks a lot, in my opinion, to the point that I started to doubt what he says hehehe... the way I doubt what my hubby or my FIL said each time they talked too much. Maybe it's the Malaysian thingy.
He advised me to buy Saxa iodised salt as the supplement I am taking (Elevit) doesn't contain iodine. He said that the salt would be more helpful as I could use it in my cooking (if I cook!) and I would need iodine during the breastfeeding period so it's better to include it in our daily food. During the scan, he measured the baby to be 15cm head-to-rump, but he couldn't see the sex too. He said we could find out later when the baby is bigger.
In the meantime, I told my parents that the baby could be a girl and my mom's reaction was "Don't tell your FIL yet" hehe.... My FIL is making a bet with me that it would be a boy and he would buy me more presents if the baby is a boy. Of course it created a light argumentation with me as I prefer a girl and I don't support his favouritism attitude. Now, it would be fun to tell him that the baby would be a girl hehheehe... I just like to tease him so much. My hubby and MIL are the diplomats, they say they have no preference as long as it is healthy.
My friend suggested Dr Chua as her friend used his service before and she was satisfied. His management fee is lower, $1800, and since I was not exactly happy with my old Ob, I didn't mind taking the risk of trying a new Ob.
At the same time, I decided to try a new place for the 20week ultrasound (Morphology) that my friend recommened as it is bulk-billed. Again, it is partly due to effort to cut cost so I tried Castlereagh Imaging. It was not bad though the service & machine was not as good as the previous ultrasound my old Ob recommended (not bulk-billed). The sonographer couldn't see the sex of the baby but I told her that my old Ob said (based on her scan) that it could be a girl and her response was "Then it is 60% chance of a girl". Hmm... should I rush and buy all things pink now?
Our first appt with the new Ob went alright. It was during lunch time so hubby could accompany me. We had to see the midwife first and she did all the prep work (filling the form, checking blood pressure, etc) before we went to see Ob. His first reaction after calling my name: "Apa kabar?" & I knew right away he would be either a Malaysian or a Singaporean. He's Malaysian & he commented on the similar size he & hubby have (tall & big). He talks a lot, in my opinion, to the point that I started to doubt what he says hehehe... the way I doubt what my hubby or my FIL said each time they talked too much. Maybe it's the Malaysian thingy.
He advised me to buy Saxa iodised salt as the supplement I am taking (Elevit) doesn't contain iodine. He said that the salt would be more helpful as I could use it in my cooking (if I cook!) and I would need iodine during the breastfeeding period so it's better to include it in our daily food. During the scan, he measured the baby to be 15cm head-to-rump, but he couldn't see the sex too. He said we could find out later when the baby is bigger.
In the meantime, I told my parents that the baby could be a girl and my mom's reaction was "Don't tell your FIL yet" hehe.... My FIL is making a bet with me that it would be a boy and he would buy me more presents if the baby is a boy. Of course it created a light argumentation with me as I prefer a girl and I don't support his favouritism attitude. Now, it would be fun to tell him that the baby would be a girl hehheehe... I just like to tease him so much. My hubby and MIL are the diplomats, they say they have no preference as long as it is healthy.
Trimester -1
My hubby is sick & sleeping now so I don't want to make so much noise. It seems like a good time to update this blog.
Trying to recall the 1st trimester that had passed, praise God that it was uneventful. I was originally reassured by my cousins, my nieces & my mom that our side of family don't usually experience any morning sickness. It was not exactly true! While I didn't vomit, I experienced food aversion. It started when my MIL made a big chunk of grilled salmon for me, I just couldn't finish the big portion. The next day, my good friend/neighbour gave me cooked fish again. From then on, I stopped eating fish and started to feel disturbed by the smell of garlic & soya sauce my MIL used in her daily cooking. Poor her, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings by not eating her cooking.
It was even more miserable when my PIL went back to Malaysia. What's worse than smelling chinese cooking is having nothing to eat for lunch at all. I wanted to eat food with no smell/fragrant, mainly bread, burgers and especially Vietnamese hot bread. I made some pasta until I was sick of pasta too. My lovely hubby gave me some money so I could go down to the Italian restaurant for lunch every day but it cost around $20 each meal & I wanted us to save money since I wasn't working then.
Our trip back to Singapore in December happened to be just right after the end of 1st Trimester. All my friends were so worried & advised us not to fly within the 1st Trimester, but we bought the tickets half a year before & as long as my Ob didn't say anything against it, we would fly.
We didn't really enjoy our trip back this time though. Partly because we didn't plan enough so we have days when we didn't know what we wanted to do. Partly because of the weather, the heat brought the worst of us hehehe... We felt irritated & we didn't have any appetite to eat. But I had durian & that was all I needed to be satisfied.
We got to celebrate my dad's birthday too! My mom made me buy a shirt for him for his present, which is really nice and thoughtful of her. I didn't plan to buy anything for him since we're paying for the dinner. We went to eat chilli crab at Jumbo with my PIL, my brother & family & my dad's friends. I think we keep going to Jumbo for special occasions involving both parents hehehe.... I was personally happy for my brother's helper (Maria) who got the chance to eat good food. She is a good helper, chatty, honest & young, and thank God she's not a fussy eater (though she can't eat pork) that she could enjoy the crabs as well.
Trying to recall the 1st trimester that had passed, praise God that it was uneventful. I was originally reassured by my cousins, my nieces & my mom that our side of family don't usually experience any morning sickness. It was not exactly true! While I didn't vomit, I experienced food aversion. It started when my MIL made a big chunk of grilled salmon for me, I just couldn't finish the big portion. The next day, my good friend/neighbour gave me cooked fish again. From then on, I stopped eating fish and started to feel disturbed by the smell of garlic & soya sauce my MIL used in her daily cooking. Poor her, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings by not eating her cooking.
It was even more miserable when my PIL went back to Malaysia. What's worse than smelling chinese cooking is having nothing to eat for lunch at all. I wanted to eat food with no smell/fragrant, mainly bread, burgers and especially Vietnamese hot bread. I made some pasta until I was sick of pasta too. My lovely hubby gave me some money so I could go down to the Italian restaurant for lunch every day but it cost around $20 each meal & I wanted us to save money since I wasn't working then.
Our trip back to Singapore in December happened to be just right after the end of 1st Trimester. All my friends were so worried & advised us not to fly within the 1st Trimester, but we bought the tickets half a year before & as long as my Ob didn't say anything against it, we would fly.
We didn't really enjoy our trip back this time though. Partly because we didn't plan enough so we have days when we didn't know what we wanted to do. Partly because of the weather, the heat brought the worst of us hehehe... We felt irritated & we didn't have any appetite to eat. But I had durian & that was all I needed to be satisfied.
We got to celebrate my dad's birthday too! My mom made me buy a shirt for him for his present, which is really nice and thoughtful of her. I didn't plan to buy anything for him since we're paying for the dinner. We went to eat chilli crab at Jumbo with my PIL, my brother & family & my dad's friends. I think we keep going to Jumbo for special occasions involving both parents hehehe.... I was personally happy for my brother's helper (Maria) who got the chance to eat good food. She is a good helper, chatty, honest & young, and thank God she's not a fussy eater (though she can't eat pork) that she could enjoy the crabs as well.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
IVF, pregnancy, egg donor and adoption
Wow, it's been more than half a year since my last post. I was distracted with Facebook & was more active there since then.
Since my last post on us trying IUI in June, we subsequently found out that it was negative. We then went on to try IVF #1 in Aug-09 and we got 10 eggs from it (based on low dosage of Puregon) but only 2 of them made it to day 5 (blastocyst). We put 1 back into my womb and froze the other one. Still, we got a negative result from the fresh embryo we put back and we contemplated trying a new cycle of IVF #2 while leaving the frozen embryo for future use (since IVF costs were to increase in 2010).
During a discussion with our IVF doctor, we expressed our plan to start a new cycle and he agreeed to it. But subsequently the conversation evaluated the possibility of using the frozen embryo and we agreed to it! Only after I stepped out of his office that I realised that we are not doing what we planned to do! I felt a bit confused why we agreed to use the frozen embryo but we decided to just stick with it (and I was too lazy to call the doctor). Looking back, I think it is God's way of telling us that His way was better than our way (Isiah 55:8-9 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, "declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts"). I was pregnant from the frozen embryo I didn't plan to put back.
After our failed IVF #1 (before we started the frozen embryo transfer), we thought of giving this baby project our 100% our best since each cycle cost a lot, monetarily & maybe emotionally, and we're not getting any younger (my eggs were 34yrs old!). We decided that I would not work since my hours were long and & it could be quite stressful. So I told my boss in September and I was to serve my notification period until October. Only a few days before my last day that we got the BFP (big fat positive) results. It was great coz I got to tell the good news to my colleagues & boss, especially those who knew about my IVF journey (I was quite open and discuss about IVF with those who asked me about it). So I was pregnant & unemployed! The only drawback is that we have to postpone our plan to buy a house, probably until 2011 or 2012, since our financial position may change with baby onboard.
I planned to have an egg donation late 2010 too, probably a few months after giving birth. I saw an ads for egg donor request in Sep-09 and wanted to help her. We exchanged a few messages and I told her that if I'm not pregnant by June-2010 I would donate my eggs to her & moved on to adoption plan. But since I was pregnant subsequently, we postpone it until after birth & breastfeeding period. I felt guilty about planning to cut short the breastfeeding period but I think formula-fed would be a good alternative as well since a few friends formula-fed their babies.
It could've been me on her position, since we were struggling to have a baby too, like her. The fact that I am blessed with the experience of being pregnant makes me want to do my part to help her, knowing that I would wish somebody would help me too if I were in her position. I hope we would get to know each other during this period and maintain an open relationship after the donation. I would love to get to know the baby we're making (my egg, her womb and her husband's sperm) and would treat the baby as my close friend's baby or even my niece/nephew. It would be as if I have an adopted sister in Melbourne, that'd be nice!
After we buy a house, I hope to be able to lodge my adoption paper so it would be processed as early as possible. Hopefully we would get an addition by the time this baby turns 7 years. I have not researched too much about any restriction, but I would not mind trying another one (without IVF) during the 7 years' wait for the adoption. But I would need to check if it is allowed or if it would push back the waiting period even longer.
Now, I'm filling my time doing nothing much, which is good! I was planning to find a short-time contract job between now and May but it won't be easy as nobody wants to hire a pregnant staff. My friends advise me to enjoy the freedom now before baby arrives, so I would do just that. I'm thankful for my friends who gave me books to read about involving God in the pregnancy & birth period. Those books made me realise that I am a very pessimistic person and I felt undeserved of this baby, this life He's entrusting me to love & care. It's really hard to rely on faith alone and to trust that He has great plan for me. I always take the other way, preparing for any bad things that could happen to me so I won't blame God.
Since my last post on us trying IUI in June, we subsequently found out that it was negative. We then went on to try IVF #1 in Aug-09 and we got 10 eggs from it (based on low dosage of Puregon) but only 2 of them made it to day 5 (blastocyst). We put 1 back into my womb and froze the other one. Still, we got a negative result from the fresh embryo we put back and we contemplated trying a new cycle of IVF #2 while leaving the frozen embryo for future use (since IVF costs were to increase in 2010).
During a discussion with our IVF doctor, we expressed our plan to start a new cycle and he agreeed to it. But subsequently the conversation evaluated the possibility of using the frozen embryo and we agreed to it! Only after I stepped out of his office that I realised that we are not doing what we planned to do! I felt a bit confused why we agreed to use the frozen embryo but we decided to just stick with it (and I was too lazy to call the doctor). Looking back, I think it is God's way of telling us that His way was better than our way (Isiah 55:8-9 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, "declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts"). I was pregnant from the frozen embryo I didn't plan to put back.
After our failed IVF #1 (before we started the frozen embryo transfer), we thought of giving this baby project our 100% our best since each cycle cost a lot, monetarily & maybe emotionally, and we're not getting any younger (my eggs were 34yrs old!). We decided that I would not work since my hours were long and & it could be quite stressful. So I told my boss in September and I was to serve my notification period until October. Only a few days before my last day that we got the BFP (big fat positive) results. It was great coz I got to tell the good news to my colleagues & boss, especially those who knew about my IVF journey (I was quite open and discuss about IVF with those who asked me about it). So I was pregnant & unemployed! The only drawback is that we have to postpone our plan to buy a house, probably until 2011 or 2012, since our financial position may change with baby onboard.
I planned to have an egg donation late 2010 too, probably a few months after giving birth. I saw an ads for egg donor request in Sep-09 and wanted to help her. We exchanged a few messages and I told her that if I'm not pregnant by June-2010 I would donate my eggs to her & moved on to adoption plan. But since I was pregnant subsequently, we postpone it until after birth & breastfeeding period. I felt guilty about planning to cut short the breastfeeding period but I think formula-fed would be a good alternative as well since a few friends formula-fed their babies.
It could've been me on her position, since we were struggling to have a baby too, like her. The fact that I am blessed with the experience of being pregnant makes me want to do my part to help her, knowing that I would wish somebody would help me too if I were in her position. I hope we would get to know each other during this period and maintain an open relationship after the donation. I would love to get to know the baby we're making (my egg, her womb and her husband's sperm) and would treat the baby as my close friend's baby or even my niece/nephew. It would be as if I have an adopted sister in Melbourne, that'd be nice!
After we buy a house, I hope to be able to lodge my adoption paper so it would be processed as early as possible. Hopefully we would get an addition by the time this baby turns 7 years. I have not researched too much about any restriction, but I would not mind trying another one (without IVF) during the 7 years' wait for the adoption. But I would need to check if it is allowed or if it would push back the waiting period even longer.
Now, I'm filling my time doing nothing much, which is good! I was planning to find a short-time contract job between now and May but it won't be easy as nobody wants to hire a pregnant staff. My friends advise me to enjoy the freedom now before baby arrives, so I would do just that. I'm thankful for my friends who gave me books to read about involving God in the pregnancy & birth period. Those books made me realise that I am a very pessimistic person and I felt undeserved of this baby, this life He's entrusting me to love & care. It's really hard to rely on faith alone and to trust that He has great plan for me. I always take the other way, preparing for any bad things that could happen to me so I won't blame God.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The deed is done
After getting over the first needle injection of Puregon, we finally did the IUI today. I know that it was not supposed to hurt but it was still uncomfortable. I wish my hubby would let me go to gym after the IUI, but I guess he doesn't want to take the risk.... and it's always easy to laze around :)
The day didn't start right as we were late for the sperm collection and couldn't find parking. We didn't know that we could park within the building if we get the nurse to give us the code for the parking area. Seriously, the nurse should have told us in advance that we could park inside. The whole thing made him hard to 'concentrate', iykwim. We know now that next time (yes, always be prepared for next time) we'd just do it at home and bring it to the clinic.
Then, off we went to have breakfast at Parramatta Westfield and settle our mailing fiasco with Bankwest. We have changed our address 3-4 times but each time the statements seemed to still go to the old address. Hopefully this time they'll get it right.
Our plan would be to try IUI 2 - 3 times and move to IVF with ICSI. By January 2009, since Medicare subsidy would be less, we would try TCM. Why not, it'd be interesting to try different procedures and see what works and what not. Now, we just need to budget for all these extra costs.
Personally, I couln't find any reason to be excited about conceiving yet. I am neutral about having baby or not having one, but pro-adoption. It will be fantastic if we could beat the odds, probably the same feeling of passing CFA exams knowing 50% of entrants would fail.
The day didn't start right as we were late for the sperm collection and couldn't find parking. We didn't know that we could park within the building if we get the nurse to give us the code for the parking area. Seriously, the nurse should have told us in advance that we could park inside. The whole thing made him hard to 'concentrate', iykwim. We know now that next time (yes, always be prepared for next time) we'd just do it at home and bring it to the clinic.
Then, off we went to have breakfast at Parramatta Westfield and settle our mailing fiasco with Bankwest. We have changed our address 3-4 times but each time the statements seemed to still go to the old address. Hopefully this time they'll get it right.
Our plan would be to try IUI 2 - 3 times and move to IVF with ICSI. By January 2009, since Medicare subsidy would be less, we would try TCM. Why not, it'd be interesting to try different procedures and see what works and what not. Now, we just need to budget for all these extra costs.
Personally, I couln't find any reason to be excited about conceiving yet. I am neutral about having baby or not having one, but pro-adoption. It will be fantastic if we could beat the odds, probably the same feeling of passing CFA exams knowing 50% of entrants would fail.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
We're moving..
Our lease with the current apartment is almost over and we decided to try another apartment nearby for a change.
Personally, I like the unit we're living now and it's fully furnished (nicely done too). I could see that they are putting it up for rent now. My PIL think it is too quiet here and they prefer more interaction with neighbours and more community activities. Oh no, I just realised the pics they put up for rent are mainly the recent pictures taken recently. I could see Bruno's business shirt hanging in the balcony area, FIL's potted plants/flowers (not bad, though) and my textbooks.
The new place we're moving into will be a Waterfront apartment. It is just 3km away from our current place. I personally hope that Bruno and I would start exercising since we'd have indoor heated pool and gym. We might also invite some friends over to play tennis (once we start learning how to play one) or to have barbecue. Dear hubby will not need to send me to nearby train station too as there would be community bus to Strathfield station.
For my PIL, they do regular jogging and walks currently, but now they would be able to use the gym and join the Vitality Club55 Plus for some extra activities. I look forward to seeing my MIL doing "Aquarhythmics" and "Walk & talk"and she's already planning to get to know more people through those activities. She's a brave woman, I don't have her guts to start a conversation with a stranger.
FIL is already practising his English to an 'angmoh' accent which I find surprisingly good (even better than me, I think). But he has more years fine-tuning his accent since he has been dreaming of living in a western country. We'll just need to get them to drop the "No"s and the 'What"s from their (and our) conversation. Those who live in Singapore and Malaysia would know how to use "what" at the end of the sentence. Eg "You never give me what!" meaning: (It's not my fault, since) You didn't give it to me! As for "no", it's just a habit that my PIL use at the beginning at a sentence when they are giving an additional opinion to the other person (even though they are not disagreeing).
We bought sofa yesterday and blew our budget on a leather 3RR+1RR+1R (if you can guess what those codes mean) so my dear hubby bought a cheaper Sony LCD TV. We bought the TV, washing machine and fridge for $4.5K from Bing Lee and I sorta regret that we didn't bargain hard enough. We got free washing powder and softener as part of the promotion but managed to bargain for 2 extra tickets to watch Swans v Geelong in August. The joke is none of us know or interested in the game! Maybe I could sell them through e-bay...
With a week to go before our move, we have settled most of the essential purchases (matresses, fridge, washing machine, sofa and TV) and now it is the hard part, packing up. I managed to find an excuse that I need to work on Friday and leave all the cleaning and moving to the 3 muskeeters. Too bad, hubby is already planning some chores for me to do on Saturday.
I just found out from my friend that we could use the Post Office service to redirect mail. What a brilliant idea! I spent a couple of days whining to Bruno about the number of organisations that we need to notify each time we move (if we can't find a permanent home yet). On top of it, I would need to do the same for my Singapore address as my brother's moving house too.
Personally, I like the unit we're living now and it's fully furnished (nicely done too). I could see that they are putting it up for rent now. My PIL think it is too quiet here and they prefer more interaction with neighbours and more community activities. Oh no, I just realised the pics they put up for rent are mainly the recent pictures taken recently. I could see Bruno's business shirt hanging in the balcony area, FIL's potted plants/flowers (not bad, though) and my textbooks.
The new place we're moving into will be a Waterfront apartment. It is just 3km away from our current place. I personally hope that Bruno and I would start exercising since we'd have indoor heated pool and gym. We might also invite some friends over to play tennis (once we start learning how to play one) or to have barbecue. Dear hubby will not need to send me to nearby train station too as there would be community bus to Strathfield station.
For my PIL, they do regular jogging and walks currently, but now they would be able to use the gym and join the Vitality Club55 Plus for some extra activities. I look forward to seeing my MIL doing "Aquarhythmics" and "Walk & talk"and she's already planning to get to know more people through those activities. She's a brave woman, I don't have her guts to start a conversation with a stranger.
FIL is already practising his English to an 'angmoh' accent which I find surprisingly good (even better than me, I think). But he has more years fine-tuning his accent since he has been dreaming of living in a western country. We'll just need to get them to drop the "No"s and the 'What"s from their (and our) conversation. Those who live in Singapore and Malaysia would know how to use "what" at the end of the sentence. Eg "You never give me what!" meaning: (It's not my fault, since) You didn't give it to me! As for "no", it's just a habit that my PIL use at the beginning at a sentence when they are giving an additional opinion to the other person (even though they are not disagreeing).
We bought sofa yesterday and blew our budget on a leather 3RR+1RR+1R (if you can guess what those codes mean) so my dear hubby bought a cheaper Sony LCD TV. We bought the TV, washing machine and fridge for $4.5K from Bing Lee and I sorta regret that we didn't bargain hard enough. We got free washing powder and softener as part of the promotion but managed to bargain for 2 extra tickets to watch Swans v Geelong in August. The joke is none of us know or interested in the game! Maybe I could sell them through e-bay...
With a week to go before our move, we have settled most of the essential purchases (matresses, fridge, washing machine, sofa and TV) and now it is the hard part, packing up. I managed to find an excuse that I need to work on Friday and leave all the cleaning and moving to the 3 muskeeters. Too bad, hubby is already planning some chores for me to do on Saturday.
I just found out from my friend that we could use the Post Office service to redirect mail. What a brilliant idea! I spent a couple of days whining to Bruno about the number of organisations that we need to notify each time we move (if we can't find a permanent home yet). On top of it, I would need to do the same for my Singapore address as my brother's moving house too.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Swimming session
I have not been having good night's sleeps, partly because of the sun shining right through the corner of the glass window that's not covered by the blinds. The other reason, I suspect, could be due to the lack of exercise and the weights I have been putting for the last 5 years (to be exact, since I dated Bruno).
We have been planning to go for early morning walk but with the cool weather now, it just makes it harder to wake up in the morning from our warm bed and brace the cold air. In the first place, I don't enjoy walking or jogging. So I decided to try swimming today.
My very kind husband was willing to give up his TV time and ignore his hunger to send me to Olympic Aquatic Centre (just 3 mins from our place). We used Entertainment Book voucher for our entry so we only pay $6.60 for 2 (1 person free). Both of us planned to swim initially but my hubby was probably too intimidated by the crowd there he decided to sit around this time.
The centre was nice, better than what I expected. It looked grand, probably because of the high ceiling. There is a pool for everybody, for serious swimmers, for leisure swimmers (me!), for the big kids, for the small kids and for learners. There was an aqua aerobics class going on when we were there. Man, the moves they did were quite tough, I don't mind joining the classes. The whole area reminds me of 'Ancol', sigh.... especially seeing little kids playing around the water playground.
Now, I just need to get me and hubby to learn how to swim :) I could only swim breaststroke and want to learn freestyle. Maybe I will try to call tomorrow to check if they could accomodate us for the adult swimming classes (the term start tomorrow). Can't wait to go back to the pool!
We have been planning to go for early morning walk but with the cool weather now, it just makes it harder to wake up in the morning from our warm bed and brace the cold air. In the first place, I don't enjoy walking or jogging. So I decided to try swimming today.
My very kind husband was willing to give up his TV time and ignore his hunger to send me to Olympic Aquatic Centre (just 3 mins from our place). We used Entertainment Book voucher for our entry so we only pay $6.60 for 2 (1 person free). Both of us planned to swim initially but my hubby was probably too intimidated by the crowd there he decided to sit around this time.
The centre was nice, better than what I expected. It looked grand, probably because of the high ceiling. There is a pool for everybody, for serious swimmers, for leisure swimmers (me!), for the big kids, for the small kids and for learners. There was an aqua aerobics class going on when we were there. Man, the moves they did were quite tough, I don't mind joining the classes. The whole area reminds me of 'Ancol', sigh.... especially seeing little kids playing around the water playground.
Now, I just need to get me and hubby to learn how to swim :) I could only swim breaststroke and want to learn freestyle. Maybe I will try to call tomorrow to check if they could accomodate us for the adult swimming classes (the term start tomorrow). Can't wait to go back to the pool!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Restaurants
This weekend, we ate out 3 times and this is not good! It hurt our already-expanding waist line and we're supposed to save $ towards our house downpayment.
First, hubby wanted to eat out on Friday and I suggested a Japanese Restaurant that my ex-colleagues brought me to last week. I think it's good that he knows other Japanese restaurants as we seem to be going to Miso for Japanese aaaaaallll the time (and also because my PIL like it too). His first reaction when we entered Nazimi was "This place is small..". Yeah, it was 'intimate' :) Overall the food was good and I am adding this to my 'to-bring-PIL-to' list. Next time, we'd order hotpot as it would be cold enough for that. Can't wait for PIL to come, it's really hard to order food for 2, restricted with quantity that we could consume.
Oh, I met one of my ex-colleagues who was also at the dinner the previous week, what a coincidence. She must have thought of showing her boyfriend this new place too.
The next day, I chanced upon the entertainment book we bought last year and decided to try any of the cafes nearby our place. Too bad that both of the places we wanted to visit was closed. So we decided to eat at Bakehouse Korean BBQ, which would never disappoint us. We ordered one beef and one pork meat for BBQ and kimchi soup. We are still struggling with the art of cooking the meat and how to eat it (with the lettuce and...?), and I was a bit self-conscious with the waiters kept coming over to change the hot plate.
Today, we decided to try another restaurant using the Entertainment Book and we went to Ecco in Drummoyne. Again, I was a bit self-conscious about eating in fine-dining restaurants, especially if I don't see any asians there. This place is almost 99% 'angmohs' but we did go ahead. We decided to skip Entree and ordered main course only...... and we realised that the main course too a looooong time to arrive. We came up with a theory that maybe, we SHOULD've ordered entree... and because we didn't, we would still get our main course in the same time it would take if we had ordered it hehehe... Maybe that's the reason they have entree, because the kitchen need that much time to cook the main course.
Oh well, hubby was very very hungry (though they served us a piece of bread) and when the food arrived, we tried very hard to eat slowly to savour the 'fine' food (I've tried to convince Bruno to eat slowly anyway). I ordered seafood plate ($39), which won some 'it-looks-good' comments from next table, and Bruno ordered a quail dish ($34) with a glass of white wine and a glass of beer. Somehow he was still hungry after the meal (he should've orderd a pasta dish actually) and I felt guilty for not ordering entree, we decided to order dessert and coffee. The waiter actually forgot to bring us the menu! But since we were 'trained' to wait by then, we just sit obediently until the waiter noticed us (that was when Bruno went to the loo and the waiter could then see me).
I realised that most of the people could stay there for hours, ordering drinks first, then entree, then main course and so on... And I'm so used to eat and get out of the place. Maybe we should do this fine-dining stuff more often to get the hang of it hehee... We calculate how much it would cost us if we do this once a month for 4 people. It's probably around $2k.
On another matter, I just watched 'So You Think You Can Dance' and I'm disappointed that Amy didn't win, I like her. I think Amy and Ben are better than the other 2 but maybe they are older. Down at top 2, I was expecting the guy would win (I forgot his name now) as most girls would do the voting than guys. So it was quite a surprise that Thalia won, I was expecting her to be the first one out from the top 4. And what happened to Ben getting emotional on his thank-you speech, he looks so matured and strong and tough...
First, hubby wanted to eat out on Friday and I suggested a Japanese Restaurant that my ex-colleagues brought me to last week. I think it's good that he knows other Japanese restaurants as we seem to be going to Miso for Japanese aaaaaallll the time (and also because my PIL like it too). His first reaction when we entered Nazimi was "This place is small..". Yeah, it was 'intimate' :) Overall the food was good and I am adding this to my 'to-bring-PIL-to' list. Next time, we'd order hotpot as it would be cold enough for that. Can't wait for PIL to come, it's really hard to order food for 2, restricted with quantity that we could consume.
Oh, I met one of my ex-colleagues who was also at the dinner the previous week, what a coincidence. She must have thought of showing her boyfriend this new place too.
The next day, I chanced upon the entertainment book we bought last year and decided to try any of the cafes nearby our place. Too bad that both of the places we wanted to visit was closed. So we decided to eat at Bakehouse Korean BBQ, which would never disappoint us. We ordered one beef and one pork meat for BBQ and kimchi soup. We are still struggling with the art of cooking the meat and how to eat it (with the lettuce and...?), and I was a bit self-conscious with the waiters kept coming over to change the hot plate.
Today, we decided to try another restaurant using the Entertainment Book and we went to Ecco in Drummoyne. Again, I was a bit self-conscious about eating in fine-dining restaurants, especially if I don't see any asians there. This place is almost 99% 'angmohs' but we did go ahead. We decided to skip Entree and ordered main course only...... and we realised that the main course too a looooong time to arrive. We came up with a theory that maybe, we SHOULD've ordered entree... and because we didn't, we would still get our main course in the same time it would take if we had ordered it hehehe... Maybe that's the reason they have entree, because the kitchen need that much time to cook the main course.
Oh well, hubby was very very hungry (though they served us a piece of bread) and when the food arrived, we tried very hard to eat slowly to savour the 'fine' food (I've tried to convince Bruno to eat slowly anyway). I ordered seafood plate ($39), which won some 'it-looks-good' comments from next table, and Bruno ordered a quail dish ($34) with a glass of white wine and a glass of beer. Somehow he was still hungry after the meal (he should've orderd a pasta dish actually) and I felt guilty for not ordering entree, we decided to order dessert and coffee. The waiter actually forgot to bring us the menu! But since we were 'trained' to wait by then, we just sit obediently until the waiter noticed us (that was when Bruno went to the loo and the waiter could then see me).
I realised that most of the people could stay there for hours, ordering drinks first, then entree, then main course and so on... And I'm so used to eat and get out of the place. Maybe we should do this fine-dining stuff more often to get the hang of it hehee... We calculate how much it would cost us if we do this once a month for 4 people. It's probably around $2k.
On another matter, I just watched 'So You Think You Can Dance' and I'm disappointed that Amy didn't win, I like her. I think Amy and Ben are better than the other 2 but maybe they are older. Down at top 2, I was expecting the guy would win (I forgot his name now) as most girls would do the voting than guys. So it was quite a surprise that Thalia won, I was expecting her to be the first one out from the top 4. And what happened to Ben getting emotional on his thank-you speech, he looks so matured and strong and tough...
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Long week
After 5 days of off days (Good Friday til Tuesday), I went straight to long hours in office. Apparently we have quarterly financial schedules to complete by Friday. Most of the stuff are related to my product but everybody is helping all they can. So I stayed til 10pm on Wed, 10.30 on Thurs and an early one at 8.30pm on Friday.
I was supposed to meet a group of ex-colleagues (from Westpac) that Friday for dinner at 6pm. I got there around 9pm where everybody had finished their dinner. So I ordered Dragon Roll and boy, they were good. Even though I managed to chat with them for an hour only, it was fun and full of laughter, updating myself with the latest news from my old team. I'd take Bruno to eat there again, since we keep going back to MISO restaurant (at World Square) all the time for Japanese. This "NAZIMI" restaurant (opposite QVB) is another option now as my friends and I found the food to be very good.
Today, Bruno, Jason and I went to Newtown for lunch and we decided to try this simple Thai restaurant called Thai La-Ong. There were many Thai food along King Street in Newtown and we didn't know which one is good. We decide on Thai La-Ong only because it opened another one almost next to it, called Thai La-Ong 2 (duh!), so it must be good, right? Well, the lunch special is cheap at $6, so we ordered 4 of them plus fishcake. Not bad, I don't mind going back there again. Next time we go Newtown, we'd try another restaurant that had opened a 2nd shop too, Newtown Thai xxx (can't remember the full name). We found another restaurant that sells Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Indochinese food called Kammadhenu that boast 50 types of dosai. Our first thought is "Dad is gonna be a happy man here". So we may reserve this place for his birthday next month.
I was supposed to meet a group of ex-colleagues (from Westpac) that Friday for dinner at 6pm. I got there around 9pm where everybody had finished their dinner. So I ordered Dragon Roll and boy, they were good. Even though I managed to chat with them for an hour only, it was fun and full of laughter, updating myself with the latest news from my old team. I'd take Bruno to eat there again, since we keep going back to MISO restaurant (at World Square) all the time for Japanese. This "NAZIMI" restaurant (opposite QVB) is another option now as my friends and I found the food to be very good.
Today, Bruno, Jason and I went to Newtown for lunch and we decided to try this simple Thai restaurant called Thai La-Ong. There were many Thai food along King Street in Newtown and we didn't know which one is good. We decide on Thai La-Ong only because it opened another one almost next to it, called Thai La-Ong 2 (duh!), so it must be good, right? Well, the lunch special is cheap at $6, so we ordered 4 of them plus fishcake. Not bad, I don't mind going back there again. Next time we go Newtown, we'd try another restaurant that had opened a 2nd shop too, Newtown Thai xxx (can't remember the full name). We found another restaurant that sells Sri Lankan, Malaysian, Indochinese food called Kammadhenu that boast 50 types of dosai. Our first thought is "Dad is gonna be a happy man here". So we may reserve this place for his birthday next month.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
First appointment
Our first appointment with our IVF doctor today. Nothing interesting though, we just explained our situation and past results and the doctor asked a few questions and explained the options we have. We are asked to do a few mre tests and come back again next month to review the test.
So it's going to be only in June that we'll start our IUI/IVF program. Feels like a long wait, but it can't be any faster than that I guess.
I think it'll be fun to try each method (I could say 'fun' coz I haven't gone through one), so I plan to try IUI, IVF, ICSI and maybe TCM.
Now, I just need to arrange time and date for each appointment. Hopefully I don't need to take too much off-day from work and maybe a couple of hours in the morning. Still, I can't help feeling excited about it.
So it's going to be only in June that we'll start our IUI/IVF program. Feels like a long wait, but it can't be any faster than that I guess.
I think it'll be fun to try each method (I could say 'fun' coz I haven't gone through one), so I plan to try IUI, IVF, ICSI and maybe TCM.
Now, I just need to arrange time and date for each appointment. Hopefully I don't need to take too much off-day from work and maybe a couple of hours in the morning. Still, I can't help feeling excited about it.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Cooking - my first
We are relaxing the last few days and I decided to learn to cook 2 dishes from a Detox cooking guide I bought last week. So we went to Woolies and tried to figure out how to find the ingredients. We didn't know that 'green onion' is shallots until we ask help from Woolies staff. Bruno checked each of the vegetables that I picked and he put them back mostly and chose another bundle/pack that he thought was of better shape/colour etc etc. I have to admit that I have a habit of picking up the first pack in front of me.
I got straight to cutting all the vegetables once we reached home. Bruno showed me how to do some of them, though I doubt he has done any cooking himself hhehee... Internet was quite useful too, I looked up on how to clean mushroom.
Making the soup was quite easy, but cooking the stir-fry was a bit challenging. First of all, I'm not comfortable with frying and the pan was too small for amount of vegetables I put. Again, I asked Bruno to show me how to stir and I just continued from there.
As a safety net, we bought roasted half-chicken but in the end all of the dishes was too much for 2 persons so we had to throw a bit of the stir-fry. My lovely hubby helped me cleaned up afterwards :) while I watched TV. Sigh, how am I going to live without him?
My hands felt a bit wierd, a bit over-used hehee.... And my stomach felt wierd, I hope I cleaned the mushrooms properly!
I got straight to cutting all the vegetables once we reached home. Bruno showed me how to do some of them, though I doubt he has done any cooking himself hhehee... Internet was quite useful too, I looked up on how to clean mushroom.
Making the soup was quite easy, but cooking the stir-fry was a bit challenging. First of all, I'm not comfortable with frying and the pan was too small for amount of vegetables I put. Again, I asked Bruno to show me how to stir and I just continued from there.
As a safety net, we bought roasted half-chicken but in the end all of the dishes was too much for 2 persons so we had to throw a bit of the stir-fry. My lovely hubby helped me cleaned up afterwards :) while I watched TV. Sigh, how am I going to live without him?
My hands felt a bit wierd, a bit over-used hehee.... And my stomach felt wierd, I hope I cleaned the mushrooms properly!
Friday, April 10, 2009
1 year in Sydney
Soon, it'll be one year since we arrived Sydney. I can't really say it has past in a blink of an eye. Well, in general I always feel time is too slow, and wishing I'm in my retirement age by now.
Looking back, we're thankful for the good timing we arrived in Sydney. I'm not sure if we could still get a job if we arrived today instead of last year. We are grateful (to God) for the jobs we have (especially since we each changed to another job within a year). We are thankful for having my in-laws here and that they are sharing and enjoying the adventure of living a new country.
There are still a few more things that are still in progress though. We are not yet to have a baby even though we thought that moving to a less-stressed country would help. I still work the same long hours (if not, more) here compared to Singapore. I was about to quit my current work as I want to concentrate in IVF, but my wonderful boss allowed me to take days off if I need to so I'm staying put for now.
I still need to learn how to drive and maybe, just maybe, how to cook. Both of us plan to learn how to swim, so that's something we could do together.
We initially plan to buy a house but we couldn't find a suitable one. So, we plan to rent a new place (with indoor heated pool, tennis and library) for another 6 months wihile continuing to look for a suitable permanent house.
I tried reading up on adoption but it seems one of us has to be an Australian citizen. It would mean that we need to wait a couple more years. But the good thing is, if we decide to adopt from China, Hongkong or Taiwan, we may be given a priority since I am Chinese and Bruno is half-Chinese. I don't understand why adoption from China cost so much more compared to other countries. Other countries we could consider is Phillippines, Thailand or India (since Bruno is half Indian). I would prefer adopting from Chinese countries though as it would be closer to our culture so it would take less effort when trying to get the adopted one connect to his/her original culture (and giving me more reason to learn Mandarin, I guess).
So, we thank God for everything He has given us the last one year and we put up prayers to Him for everything that we plan for the next 1 year. Exciting year ahead with plan to move, buy furniture, buy house, IVF, getting car license, learning how to swim and, maybe, citizenship.
Looking back, we're thankful for the good timing we arrived in Sydney. I'm not sure if we could still get a job if we arrived today instead of last year. We are grateful (to God) for the jobs we have (especially since we each changed to another job within a year). We are thankful for having my in-laws here and that they are sharing and enjoying the adventure of living a new country.
There are still a few more things that are still in progress though. We are not yet to have a baby even though we thought that moving to a less-stressed country would help. I still work the same long hours (if not, more) here compared to Singapore. I was about to quit my current work as I want to concentrate in IVF, but my wonderful boss allowed me to take days off if I need to so I'm staying put for now.
I still need to learn how to drive and maybe, just maybe, how to cook. Both of us plan to learn how to swim, so that's something we could do together.
We initially plan to buy a house but we couldn't find a suitable one. So, we plan to rent a new place (with indoor heated pool, tennis and library) for another 6 months wihile continuing to look for a suitable permanent house.
I tried reading up on adoption but it seems one of us has to be an Australian citizen. It would mean that we need to wait a couple more years. But the good thing is, if we decide to adopt from China, Hongkong or Taiwan, we may be given a priority since I am Chinese and Bruno is half-Chinese. I don't understand why adoption from China cost so much more compared to other countries. Other countries we could consider is Phillippines, Thailand or India (since Bruno is half Indian). I would prefer adopting from Chinese countries though as it would be closer to our culture so it would take less effort when trying to get the adopted one connect to his/her original culture (and giving me more reason to learn Mandarin, I guess).
So, we thank God for everything He has given us the last one year and we put up prayers to Him for everything that we plan for the next 1 year. Exciting year ahead with plan to move, buy furniture, buy house, IVF, getting car license, learning how to swim and, maybe, citizenship.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
For Unto Us a Child is Born
Christmas time is here. This time last year I would be busy with church choir practices. I feel something's missing this year as I realised churches here mostly do not have choirs. I remember whenever we sing a new piece each month, I would always struggle with the notes as most of them are not familiar songs to me. And I was always amazed at how some of the choir members would recognize the song and I marvelled when Pak Lin (choir conductor) told the background behind song(the composer, why it was created, etc etc).
Yesterday, I was reading ODB and the bible phrase is taken from Isaiah 9:1-7 and the main bible verse is taken from Job 19:25" I know that my Redeemer lives". Well, I soon began singing a song "I know that my redeemer liveth" (Handel version) which was a song I would never have heard if I had not joined choir before. As I began reading the Isaiah chapter, I just realised I quoted one of the verses for my Christmas card this year:
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace
And I remember us trying to sing the song "For Unto Us a Child is Born" but we didn't proceed with it as it is a difficult piece requiring a minimum number of SATB (Christmas is the time when the choir members go back to Indonesia for holiday so there were only a few of us left). Also, it requires a strong choir to sing the song and we were not one hehehe..
So this Christmas we went to the mall and were surprised to see Santa Clause taking picture with kids (for a fee) which I don't remember we have one back in Singapore (or I seldom go to the mall during that period coz of choir practices). My friends brought us to Sutherland to see nice houses decorated in Christmas lightings, and I thought it was all only in the Christmas movies I have seen on TV hahahaa...
My MIL watched the Christmas Carols in domain on TV and she said "So sad that your father would miss this". Oh well, there would be many Christmas-es ahead for him to enjoy here. I think this feels like Chinese New Year in Singapore, where people would go out and shop and shops/offices close down during the period and time would be spent with family.
As for us, it would be filled with gatherings with friends (YumCha, children's birthday party and Boxing day dinner with Singaporean friends). Looking forward to all of them...
Now, I just enjoy the Choral songs from youtube so I don't miss my choir and church so much :)
Yesterday, I was reading ODB and the bible phrase is taken from Isaiah 9:1-7 and the main bible verse is taken from Job 19:25" I know that my Redeemer lives". Well, I soon began singing a song "I know that my redeemer liveth" (Handel version) which was a song I would never have heard if I had not joined choir before. As I began reading the Isaiah chapter, I just realised I quoted one of the verses for my Christmas card this year:
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor,
Mighty God,
Everlasting Father,
Prince of Peace
And I remember us trying to sing the song "For Unto Us a Child is Born" but we didn't proceed with it as it is a difficult piece requiring a minimum number of SATB (Christmas is the time when the choir members go back to Indonesia for holiday so there were only a few of us left). Also, it requires a strong choir to sing the song and we were not one hehehe..
So this Christmas we went to the mall and were surprised to see Santa Clause taking picture with kids (for a fee) which I don't remember we have one back in Singapore (or I seldom go to the mall during that period coz of choir practices). My friends brought us to Sutherland to see nice houses decorated in Christmas lightings, and I thought it was all only in the Christmas movies I have seen on TV hahahaa...
My MIL watched the Christmas Carols in domain on TV and she said "So sad that your father would miss this". Oh well, there would be many Christmas-es ahead for him to enjoy here. I think this feels like Chinese New Year in Singapore, where people would go out and shop and shops/offices close down during the period and time would be spent with family.
As for us, it would be filled with gatherings with friends (YumCha, children's birthday party and Boxing day dinner with Singaporean friends). Looking forward to all of them...
Now, I just enjoy the Choral songs from youtube so I don't miss my choir and church so much :)
Saturday, December 6, 2008
I'll walk with God
This morning I was glancing at my homepage of internet page, which is the Our Daily Bread page. So I read the article, skipping the bible reading (very bad of me) . Thee bible phrase was "Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him. —Genesis 5:24" and the story was about walking with God. I was reading it and humming a song I sang in choir "I'll walk with God". I miss choir!!
I look it up in the internet for the lyrics, and they are beautiful:
I'll walk with God
I'll walk with God from this day on.
His helping hand I'll lean upon.
This is my prayer, my humble plea,
May the Lord be ever with me.
There is no death, tho' eyes grow dim.
There is no fear when I'm near to Him.
I'll lean on Him forever
And He'll forsake me never.
He will not fail me
As long as my faith is strong,
Whatever road I may walk along.
I'll walk with God, I'll take His hand.
I'll talk with God, He'll understand.
I'll pray to Him, each day to Him
And He'll hear the words that I say.
His hand will guide my throne and rod
And I'll never walk alone
While I walk with God.
Not sure how to upload video from Youtube, if it's even possible but I found several videos by different singers for the song, the original one probably from Mario Lanza though I prefer Jon Christos' or Russell Watson only because it's less opera-like. I think I remember Pak Lin singing this song at one of our Eklesia gathering or when we were practising this song.
It's a good song to memorize (I have yet to), it will help me whenever I feel lost or down or sick. I think the song was sung at a funeral in the movie "Student Prince". Hubby, if you're reading this, I want to request this song at my funeral.
Again, I miss Eklesia :)
I look it up in the internet for the lyrics, and they are beautiful:
I'll walk with God
I'll walk with God from this day on.
His helping hand I'll lean upon.
This is my prayer, my humble plea,
May the Lord be ever with me.
There is no death, tho' eyes grow dim.
There is no fear when I'm near to Him.
I'll lean on Him forever
And He'll forsake me never.
He will not fail me
As long as my faith is strong,
Whatever road I may walk along.
I'll walk with God, I'll take His hand.
I'll talk with God, He'll understand.
I'll pray to Him, each day to Him
And He'll hear the words that I say.
His hand will guide my throne and rod
And I'll never walk alone
While I walk with God.
Not sure how to upload video from Youtube, if it's even possible but I found several videos by different singers for the song, the original one probably from Mario Lanza though I prefer Jon Christos' or Russell Watson only because it's less opera-like. I think I remember Pak Lin singing this song at one of our Eklesia gathering or when we were practising this song.
It's a good song to memorize (I have yet to), it will help me whenever I feel lost or down or sick. I think the song was sung at a funeral in the movie "Student Prince". Hubby, if you're reading this, I want to request this song at my funeral.
Again, I miss Eklesia :)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
New contract role
Since my last entry, I was just into my 2 weeks of break and I got a call from my recruitment agent that the interview I had earlier was successful but pending approval from head office with regards to head count. I was asked if I could start the next day if all went well, so I said ok.
It's been 2 weeks now with my new role, another 6-month contract til May09. The role was a permanent role previously, but due to pending merger there is a headcount freeze. Talking about headcount freeze, my ex-employer (DBS) announced it's going to retrench 900 staff. One of church friends sms-ed me about it (I seldom read news nowadays) and she said I was lucky that I left DBS. Well, now i'm in another bank that is bought over by another bank so I'm not sure if there'll be any job cuts later.
I really enjoyed this role as I'm going back to the role I did in Singapore. The people are nice, friendly, and they joke a lot (though I understand only half of what they are saying most of the time). There are fruits in the kitchen 3 times a week and kitchen is well stocked with variety of tea (I usually have 3 different cup of tea every day). One minus point is that the building is about 10-minute walk from train station, but it is a good morning walk I guess.
For now, I need to learn how to drive and plan to sit for the written exam by end of the month. Hopefully by December, I could start learning how to drive a car. For the first half of next year, I would be busy with studying for an exam (in June, 3rd attempt) and I may start on IVF program. Hopefully IVF will affect my study plan coz I really need to pass this exam. Each year I fail, I would need to register for next year's exam and they'd send me another pack of 6 textbook for reading! I have 2 sets of books already (2008 and 2009).
It's been 2 weeks now with my new role, another 6-month contract til May09. The role was a permanent role previously, but due to pending merger there is a headcount freeze. Talking about headcount freeze, my ex-employer (DBS) announced it's going to retrench 900 staff. One of church friends sms-ed me about it (I seldom read news nowadays) and she said I was lucky that I left DBS. Well, now i'm in another bank that is bought over by another bank so I'm not sure if there'll be any job cuts later.
I really enjoyed this role as I'm going back to the role I did in Singapore. The people are nice, friendly, and they joke a lot (though I understand only half of what they are saying most of the time). There are fruits in the kitchen 3 times a week and kitchen is well stocked with variety of tea (I usually have 3 different cup of tea every day). One minus point is that the building is about 10-minute walk from train station, but it is a good morning walk I guess.
For now, I need to learn how to drive and plan to sit for the written exam by end of the month. Hopefully by December, I could start learning how to drive a car. For the first half of next year, I would be busy with studying for an exam (in June, 3rd attempt) and I may start on IVF program. Hopefully IVF will affect my study plan coz I really need to pass this exam. Each year I fail, I would need to register for next year's exam and they'd send me another pack of 6 textbook for reading! I have 2 sets of books already (2008 and 2009).
Monday, October 27, 2008
Relaxing at home
It's been a week since I left my contract job and so far I've enjoyed every minute at home. Except for the last few days before an interview. As usual, I was very nervous and started reading my CFA textbook to prepare myself for the technical questions.
Also, I have started playing Wii Fit as an attempt in losing weight. I think I have ballooned in the past 2 years that even my cousins couldn't recognize me from Facebook photos. My PIL who has encouraged me to put on weight since my wedding day has admitted that my stomach is getting too big hehehe..
As I don't really enjoyed exercising, it's quite hard to be consistent in my morning jog. I was determined to watch "Lust, Caution" at 6am this morning and was still watching it when my FIL left for jogging. And, I was still watching it when he had come back from his run and when my MIL went for her power-walk.
The weather is getting warm lately and it is actually a good weather to swim. Our apartments' pool was directly behind my unit, but I made excuses that the pool looked dirty with leaves. Hubby and I promised that we would start cycling when he's back from work but so far we only managed to go for 2 evening walks and a walk to Woolies yesterday.
Also, I should actually start studying for my level 2 CFA exams (June-2009). Well, perhaps later..
Aud is going down and down... and I'm trying to recall if anybody owes me money in Singapore. And now the deposit rate is going down, I would start looking for other deposit account once Bankwest 8.10% stops in Jan-09. I was thinking of putting some money to new NAB U-Bank account but, alas, the rate has dropped from 8.5% to 8% for 3-mth term deposit.
We are thinking of buying a house of our own but not sure of what kind of house (house, townhouse, flat), the size (2-bed, 3-bed) and location. Personally I prefer buying a less-than-ideal house first, so we could upgrade to an 'ideal' one later. So we could settle for a cheap 2-bedroom apartment somwhere near train station 15-20 km away from city, and try to repay the loan as soon as we can (thus reducing the interest expense of the loan). But 2-bedroom means we would not have spare room for guests.....
The irony about not working is that .. now I have time to pursue my hobby (dancing-ballroom/latin) but I am reluctant to spend the money. But once I start working, I am more willing to spend, but no time to do it (most of the classes are on weekdays). Maybe I would keep this hobby with my knitting project for retirement.
Talking about retirement, I have been asking my girlfriends to start planning of what type of retirement village we should go to. I think it will be more fun to retire with 'old' friends. We don't have to waste time getting to know new people, we could play cards together and we could reminisce old times. One of my girlfiend suggested that instead of going to retirement village, we could buy a large land and build our houses next to each other. Sounds good.... only that it's hard to find big land in Sydney and to agree on good location for 2 families. Let's see how it goes...
Also, I have started playing Wii Fit as an attempt in losing weight. I think I have ballooned in the past 2 years that even my cousins couldn't recognize me from Facebook photos. My PIL who has encouraged me to put on weight since my wedding day has admitted that my stomach is getting too big hehehe..
As I don't really enjoyed exercising, it's quite hard to be consistent in my morning jog. I was determined to watch "Lust, Caution" at 6am this morning and was still watching it when my FIL left for jogging. And, I was still watching it when he had come back from his run and when my MIL went for her power-walk.
The weather is getting warm lately and it is actually a good weather to swim. Our apartments' pool was directly behind my unit, but I made excuses that the pool looked dirty with leaves. Hubby and I promised that we would start cycling when he's back from work but so far we only managed to go for 2 evening walks and a walk to Woolies yesterday.
Also, I should actually start studying for my level 2 CFA exams (June-2009). Well, perhaps later..
Aud is going down and down... and I'm trying to recall if anybody owes me money in Singapore. And now the deposit rate is going down, I would start looking for other deposit account once Bankwest 8.10% stops in Jan-09. I was thinking of putting some money to new NAB U-Bank account but, alas, the rate has dropped from 8.5% to 8% for 3-mth term deposit.
We are thinking of buying a house of our own but not sure of what kind of house (house, townhouse, flat), the size (2-bed, 3-bed) and location. Personally I prefer buying a less-than-ideal house first, so we could upgrade to an 'ideal' one later. So we could settle for a cheap 2-bedroom apartment somwhere near train station 15-20 km away from city, and try to repay the loan as soon as we can (thus reducing the interest expense of the loan). But 2-bedroom means we would not have spare room for guests.....
The irony about not working is that .. now I have time to pursue my hobby (dancing-ballroom/latin) but I am reluctant to spend the money. But once I start working, I am more willing to spend, but no time to do it (most of the classes are on weekdays). Maybe I would keep this hobby with my knitting project for retirement.
Talking about retirement, I have been asking my girlfriends to start planning of what type of retirement village we should go to. I think it will be more fun to retire with 'old' friends. We don't have to waste time getting to know new people, we could play cards together and we could reminisce old times. One of my girlfiend suggested that instead of going to retirement village, we could buy a large land and build our houses next to each other. Sounds good.... only that it's hard to find big land in Sydney and to agree on good location for 2 families. Let's see how it goes...
So You Want Your Kids to Go to Harvard?
by Suze Orman
Saving for your children's college education is the last thing you should do.
Now that I have your attention, let me explain.
One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is to put saving for college ahead of all their other financial goals. Granted, it is a loving and well-intentioned mistake. But it is still a mistake.
You need to listen up here: You must take care of your other financial needs before you save one penny for your kids' college educations. That means getting rid of your high-rate credit card debt, contributing enough to your 401(k) to get the maximum company match, saving up for a home if you don't yet own one, funding a Roth every year if you meet the income eligibility requirement (under $95,000 for a single tax filer, $150,000 for married couples filing a joint return), and saving up an eight-month emergency cash fund. And when all of that is done, go back and max out on your 401(k) contribution and save a bit more for retirement in a regular taxable account.
All of that comes before you are to even think about a college fund.
Now, I know this runs against the conventional wisdom these days. But the harsh reality, my friends, is that no one is going to help you out with paying for your retirement -- while you and your kids can get plenty of financial help for their college costs. Just look around you. There are tons of student loans available for both kids and their parents. But I do not know of a single loan available to help you afford your retirement.
So that's why you need to focus on taking care of yourself first. You need to build your financial security before building a college fund.Get Over the Guilt Trip
I know that's not an easy thing for a lot of you to hear. Your kids mean everything to you, and so you want to give them everything. Including money for college. In a perfect world I would agree with you. But life ain't perfect, right? So you need to step back for a second and be a rational, rather than an emotional, parent. If you ignore all your financial needs for the sake of building up a college fund, you will screw yourself over, and possibly your kids as well.
This becomes clear if you think things through for a minute. Say that instead of building up your retirement assets, or paying down your mortgage, you focus on the college fund. So the kid goes off to school on your dime. Great, you think. But now let's jump forward another 10 or 20 years. You've reached retirement age -- or worse, have been pushed out of your job earlier than expected. The problem is, you discover you can't quite afford to retire. You simply haven't been able to save up enough. Why? Because 10 or 20 years ago, instead of funding a Roth IRA, contributing enough to your 401(k) to get the max company match, and also saving on your own in regular taxable accounts, you poured all your money into the kid's college fund.
And that has put you in a financial pickle. Your kid got a "free ride" through college on your financial back, but now you're straining to support yourself. So what do you do? You start living off of credit cards and running up dangerous debt; or you take out a home equity line that you can't afford to pay back. You're too proud to tell your kids what's going on, but trust me, they will eventually figure it out. I constantly hear from young adults who are torn up about their parents' financial problems. And they all tell me the same thing: "Suze, I feel so guilty that they spent all that money on my college education, when they should have been saving up for themselves. And now I am worried about how I can help them. If only they had been straight with me back then, I could have gotten student loans and worked my way through school."
If only.
Please don't allow yourself, and your kid, to fall into that trap. Focus on getting your debt under control, saving for retirement, and creating an emergency cash fund. Knock those big-ticket items off of your To Do list and you'll be sitting pretty when it's time to retire. That'bs by far the best thing you can do for your children.And I just want to take a sec right here to make sure you don't make the biggest of parental blunders: you are to never ever take out a home equity line of credit or a home equity loan to pay for college! Consider this scenario: You tap the equity in your home and five years later you are laid off. You are struggling to keep up with the payments and thus at risk of losing your home. Meanwhile, your kid is just out of college and lucky to be making $30,000. So all she feels is guilt over the situation. I have seen this happen over and over. And again, what I hear from the kids is that they wish their parents had just been straight with them; they realize it would have been so much easier for everyone if they'd taken out student loans to finance school.
When There's Money to Spare
Now I know that many of you have a solid grip on your financial life and are in a position to save up some money for your kid's college education. Great. But please check out my advice in the next section of this article: Tough Love: Letting Your Child Pay Their Own Way on why and how your children should participate in financing their college education anyway. Because unless you are 100 percent sure you can finance 100 percent of the cost without breaking a sweat, you really do need to involve your kids in preparing for the cost of college.
The first rule of saving for college is to size up your time frame. If your child is just a few years away from starting school, you simply don't have time to invest in stocks or stock funds. You are going to need to use that money in a few years, so you need to be positive the money will be there for you then. Over short periods of time -- say, under five years -- stocks are far too risky. Just look at the past five years. If you invested in 2000 and pulled your money out today, chances are pretty good you'd be under water.
Stocks and stock funds are only for long-term investments; if you have a kid under the age of 10 or so, then you can go this route. But if you have a 15-year old, my advice is to stick with very low-risk savings vehicles such as short-term bonds, CDs, or money market accounts. I know you aren't going to make much -- but you will be sure that the money is there when you need to write the first tuition check. By the way, check out the excellent American Dream Savings Account offered by EmigrantDirect; right now, you are guaranteed a 3.25 percent yield, which is a terrific rate for a guaranteed investment.
When it comes to saving up for college you have a variety of options. And you need to choose wisely, because some types of college savings accounts will have a bigger impact than others on how much financial aid you and your kid qualify for. You want to avoid the investments that can count against you big-time when financial aid is figured out. Also, I need to point out that some of the key tax breaks tied to some college accounts are scheduled to expire after 2010, unless Congress extends the current law. There's really no way to guess what might happen with this. One would hope Congress can act to help Americans save for college, but when we're staring at such big federal deficits, any tax break is going to face a lot of scrutiny.
So with that in mind I want to begin by suggesting a great college savings tool you might not have thought of: a Roth IRA.
If you are married and file a joint tax return with income under $150,000 (or are a single filer with income below $95,000), you can invest a full $4,000 a year in a Roth. True, you get no tax break on your initial investment, but your money grows tax-deferred. Here's the kicker, though: not a penny of your Roth assets are considered by the financial aid wonks in figuring out your kid's eligibility for loans.
As you have heard me say before, the neat thing about a Roth is that your contributions -- not the earnings, but the money you yourself invest in the Roth -- are always under your control 24/7. You can take the money out at any time and not owe a penny in penalty or tax. So let's say you invest $4,000 a year for the next 15 years. That's $60,000 you'll have saved up. And if you want to raid the earnings too, the IRS gives you a break if you are under 59 1/2 years old. Remember, typically when you try and take earnings out of an IRA before you are 59 1/2, you get hit with a 10 percent penalty. If the withdrawal is to pay for school costs, however, the penalty is waived. The only catch to keep in mind is that you will indeed have to pay income tax on any earnings that are withdrawn before you are 59 1/2.
Another advantage to the Roth is that if your child manages to qualify for a ton of scholarships -- or decides to skip college -- you can just leave all that money in your Roth and be that much better off when it's time to retire.
You can also check out opening a Coverdell Education Savings Account (these used to be called Education IRAs). With a Coverdell you can invest $2,000 a year for each child. Like a Roth IRA, you will not get any initial tax deduction on your contribution; but your money grows tax-free, and if you use the money for school costs it won't be hit with Federal tax. And I mean any school cost, not just college. Coverdells can be used to pay for any schooling prior to college, too. Individuals with income below $95,000, and married couples who file a joint tax return with adjusted gross income below $190,000, are eligible to contribute the full $2,000 a year to a Coverdell. A maximum of 5.6 percent of Coverdell assets are factored into financial aid eligibility formulas, so that's not too big a hit.
What's known as a 529 College Savings Plan is also a good way to save and not throw off your financial aid chances. Like a Coverdell, just 5.6 of your assets in a 529 Savings Plan count against you in financial aid calculations. There are no income eligibility limits with a 529, and you can invest much more than is allowed with a Coverdell. Your money grows tax-deferred and will not be hit with federal tax when it is used for college expenses. But unless Congress acts to extend this tax break, it will expire after 2010. And do not confuse a 529 Savings Plan with a 529 Pre-Paid Plan. The problem with pre-paid plans is that every dollar you have saved in a pre-paid will reduce your financial aid by a dollar. So if you think you will be applying for school loans, you probably want to steer clear of pre-paids. You can learn more about 529s at Yahoo's College Savings Center, and you can also check out a new breed of 529s where your savings can be applied to future tuition costs at 240 private schools, at http://www.independent529.org/.
Tough Love - Letting Your Children Pay Their Own Way
Talk about a rock and a hard place. The cost of college keeps increasing well above the inflation rate, and yet at the same time you know you need to be socking away more money for your retirement: not only are we living longer, but it's also a slam dunk that if you are in your 30s or 40s today your future Social Security benefits will be reduced by the time you get around to retiring.
So please don't feel any shame if figuring out how to send your kids to college keeps you up and sweating bullets at night.
You need to rethink your approach. College is not your sole responsibility. You need to make this a true family project and have your child contribute to their own education.
This is not a sign of parental failure. Stop thinking that way! It's actually a sign of parental wisdom. You are not going to screw up your financial future by paying the entire college bill. That is a great example to set for your kids.
Now let's talk about how to talk to your kids about this.
The effectiveness of your chat depends on timing and tone as much as anything else. There are two key "don'ts" here. Don't wait until they are 17. And don't start out with "I wish I could do more for you, but..."
You need to let your kids in on the game plan when they are young teenagers so they have the time to prepare -- and to really help their cause. Tell a 13-year-old that they will be responsible for a portion of their college costs and you have the ability to motivate the child to a) do really well in high school -- both in and out of the classroom -- to boost their chances for scholarships and grants; b) get a part-time job to save up for some school costs; and c) mentally prepare for being asked to take on student loans.
You need to deliver this message with strength, not weakness. The correct tone is: "We are going to save as much as possible for your college education, but we're also going to need you to pitch in too. Here's what we are saving for you, so let's talk about what you can do to help." Notice that nowhere did you say, "Gee, we're really sorry about this..."
I realize your child may not be jumping for joy at the news, but let's get real here. You are not punishing your child. And you are insuring that down the line you are not going to be a financial burden to them. I don't expect a 13-year-old to fully comprehend that right now -- and wouldn't recommend even bringing it up -- but, trust me, when your kid becomes an adult they are going to appreciate completely what you have done for them. In addition to a college degree with no strings attached, you'll have given them an empowering example of financial responsibility: yours and theirs both.
Saving for your children's college education is the last thing you should do.
Now that I have your attention, let me explain.
One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is to put saving for college ahead of all their other financial goals. Granted, it is a loving and well-intentioned mistake. But it is still a mistake.
You need to listen up here: You must take care of your other financial needs before you save one penny for your kids' college educations. That means getting rid of your high-rate credit card debt, contributing enough to your 401(k) to get the maximum company match, saving up for a home if you don't yet own one, funding a Roth every year if you meet the income eligibility requirement (under $95,000 for a single tax filer, $150,000 for married couples filing a joint return), and saving up an eight-month emergency cash fund. And when all of that is done, go back and max out on your 401(k) contribution and save a bit more for retirement in a regular taxable account.
All of that comes before you are to even think about a college fund.
Now, I know this runs against the conventional wisdom these days. But the harsh reality, my friends, is that no one is going to help you out with paying for your retirement -- while you and your kids can get plenty of financial help for their college costs. Just look around you. There are tons of student loans available for both kids and their parents. But I do not know of a single loan available to help you afford your retirement.
So that's why you need to focus on taking care of yourself first. You need to build your financial security before building a college fund.Get Over the Guilt Trip
I know that's not an easy thing for a lot of you to hear. Your kids mean everything to you, and so you want to give them everything. Including money for college. In a perfect world I would agree with you. But life ain't perfect, right? So you need to step back for a second and be a rational, rather than an emotional, parent. If you ignore all your financial needs for the sake of building up a college fund, you will screw yourself over, and possibly your kids as well.
This becomes clear if you think things through for a minute. Say that instead of building up your retirement assets, or paying down your mortgage, you focus on the college fund. So the kid goes off to school on your dime. Great, you think. But now let's jump forward another 10 or 20 years. You've reached retirement age -- or worse, have been pushed out of your job earlier than expected. The problem is, you discover you can't quite afford to retire. You simply haven't been able to save up enough. Why? Because 10 or 20 years ago, instead of funding a Roth IRA, contributing enough to your 401(k) to get the max company match, and also saving on your own in regular taxable accounts, you poured all your money into the kid's college fund.
And that has put you in a financial pickle. Your kid got a "free ride" through college on your financial back, but now you're straining to support yourself. So what do you do? You start living off of credit cards and running up dangerous debt; or you take out a home equity line that you can't afford to pay back. You're too proud to tell your kids what's going on, but trust me, they will eventually figure it out. I constantly hear from young adults who are torn up about their parents' financial problems. And they all tell me the same thing: "Suze, I feel so guilty that they spent all that money on my college education, when they should have been saving up for themselves. And now I am worried about how I can help them. If only they had been straight with me back then, I could have gotten student loans and worked my way through school."
If only.
Please don't allow yourself, and your kid, to fall into that trap. Focus on getting your debt under control, saving for retirement, and creating an emergency cash fund. Knock those big-ticket items off of your To Do list and you'll be sitting pretty when it's time to retire. That'bs by far the best thing you can do for your children.And I just want to take a sec right here to make sure you don't make the biggest of parental blunders: you are to never ever take out a home equity line of credit or a home equity loan to pay for college! Consider this scenario: You tap the equity in your home and five years later you are laid off. You are struggling to keep up with the payments and thus at risk of losing your home. Meanwhile, your kid is just out of college and lucky to be making $30,000. So all she feels is guilt over the situation. I have seen this happen over and over. And again, what I hear from the kids is that they wish their parents had just been straight with them; they realize it would have been so much easier for everyone if they'd taken out student loans to finance school.
When There's Money to Spare
Now I know that many of you have a solid grip on your financial life and are in a position to save up some money for your kid's college education. Great. But please check out my advice in the next section of this article: Tough Love: Letting Your Child Pay Their Own Way on why and how your children should participate in financing their college education anyway. Because unless you are 100 percent sure you can finance 100 percent of the cost without breaking a sweat, you really do need to involve your kids in preparing for the cost of college.
The first rule of saving for college is to size up your time frame. If your child is just a few years away from starting school, you simply don't have time to invest in stocks or stock funds. You are going to need to use that money in a few years, so you need to be positive the money will be there for you then. Over short periods of time -- say, under five years -- stocks are far too risky. Just look at the past five years. If you invested in 2000 and pulled your money out today, chances are pretty good you'd be under water.
Stocks and stock funds are only for long-term investments; if you have a kid under the age of 10 or so, then you can go this route. But if you have a 15-year old, my advice is to stick with very low-risk savings vehicles such as short-term bonds, CDs, or money market accounts. I know you aren't going to make much -- but you will be sure that the money is there when you need to write the first tuition check. By the way, check out the excellent American Dream Savings Account offered by EmigrantDirect; right now, you are guaranteed a 3.25 percent yield, which is a terrific rate for a guaranteed investment.
When it comes to saving up for college you have a variety of options. And you need to choose wisely, because some types of college savings accounts will have a bigger impact than others on how much financial aid you and your kid qualify for. You want to avoid the investments that can count against you big-time when financial aid is figured out. Also, I need to point out that some of the key tax breaks tied to some college accounts are scheduled to expire after 2010, unless Congress extends the current law. There's really no way to guess what might happen with this. One would hope Congress can act to help Americans save for college, but when we're staring at such big federal deficits, any tax break is going to face a lot of scrutiny.
So with that in mind I want to begin by suggesting a great college savings tool you might not have thought of: a Roth IRA.
If you are married and file a joint tax return with income under $150,000 (or are a single filer with income below $95,000), you can invest a full $4,000 a year in a Roth. True, you get no tax break on your initial investment, but your money grows tax-deferred. Here's the kicker, though: not a penny of your Roth assets are considered by the financial aid wonks in figuring out your kid's eligibility for loans.
As you have heard me say before, the neat thing about a Roth is that your contributions -- not the earnings, but the money you yourself invest in the Roth -- are always under your control 24/7. You can take the money out at any time and not owe a penny in penalty or tax. So let's say you invest $4,000 a year for the next 15 years. That's $60,000 you'll have saved up. And if you want to raid the earnings too, the IRS gives you a break if you are under 59 1/2 years old. Remember, typically when you try and take earnings out of an IRA before you are 59 1/2, you get hit with a 10 percent penalty. If the withdrawal is to pay for school costs, however, the penalty is waived. The only catch to keep in mind is that you will indeed have to pay income tax on any earnings that are withdrawn before you are 59 1/2.
Another advantage to the Roth is that if your child manages to qualify for a ton of scholarships -- or decides to skip college -- you can just leave all that money in your Roth and be that much better off when it's time to retire.
You can also check out opening a Coverdell Education Savings Account (these used to be called Education IRAs). With a Coverdell you can invest $2,000 a year for each child. Like a Roth IRA, you will not get any initial tax deduction on your contribution; but your money grows tax-free, and if you use the money for school costs it won't be hit with Federal tax. And I mean any school cost, not just college. Coverdells can be used to pay for any schooling prior to college, too. Individuals with income below $95,000, and married couples who file a joint tax return with adjusted gross income below $190,000, are eligible to contribute the full $2,000 a year to a Coverdell. A maximum of 5.6 percent of Coverdell assets are factored into financial aid eligibility formulas, so that's not too big a hit.
What's known as a 529 College Savings Plan is also a good way to save and not throw off your financial aid chances. Like a Coverdell, just 5.6 of your assets in a 529 Savings Plan count against you in financial aid calculations. There are no income eligibility limits with a 529, and you can invest much more than is allowed with a Coverdell. Your money grows tax-deferred and will not be hit with federal tax when it is used for college expenses. But unless Congress acts to extend this tax break, it will expire after 2010. And do not confuse a 529 Savings Plan with a 529 Pre-Paid Plan. The problem with pre-paid plans is that every dollar you have saved in a pre-paid will reduce your financial aid by a dollar. So if you think you will be applying for school loans, you probably want to steer clear of pre-paids. You can learn more about 529s at Yahoo's College Savings Center, and you can also check out a new breed of 529s where your savings can be applied to future tuition costs at 240 private schools, at http://www.independent529.org/.
Tough Love - Letting Your Children Pay Their Own Way
Talk about a rock and a hard place. The cost of college keeps increasing well above the inflation rate, and yet at the same time you know you need to be socking away more money for your retirement: not only are we living longer, but it's also a slam dunk that if you are in your 30s or 40s today your future Social Security benefits will be reduced by the time you get around to retiring.
So please don't feel any shame if figuring out how to send your kids to college keeps you up and sweating bullets at night.
You need to rethink your approach. College is not your sole responsibility. You need to make this a true family project and have your child contribute to their own education.
This is not a sign of parental failure. Stop thinking that way! It's actually a sign of parental wisdom. You are not going to screw up your financial future by paying the entire college bill. That is a great example to set for your kids.
Now let's talk about how to talk to your kids about this.
The effectiveness of your chat depends on timing and tone as much as anything else. There are two key "don'ts" here. Don't wait until they are 17. And don't start out with "I wish I could do more for you, but..."
You need to let your kids in on the game plan when they are young teenagers so they have the time to prepare -- and to really help their cause. Tell a 13-year-old that they will be responsible for a portion of their college costs and you have the ability to motivate the child to a) do really well in high school -- both in and out of the classroom -- to boost their chances for scholarships and grants; b) get a part-time job to save up for some school costs; and c) mentally prepare for being asked to take on student loans.
You need to deliver this message with strength, not weakness. The correct tone is: "We are going to save as much as possible for your college education, but we're also going to need you to pitch in too. Here's what we are saving for you, so let's talk about what you can do to help." Notice that nowhere did you say, "Gee, we're really sorry about this..."
I realize your child may not be jumping for joy at the news, but let's get real here. You are not punishing your child. And you are insuring that down the line you are not going to be a financial burden to them. I don't expect a 13-year-old to fully comprehend that right now -- and wouldn't recommend even bringing it up -- but, trust me, when your kid becomes an adult they are going to appreciate completely what you have done for them. In addition to a college degree with no strings attached, you'll have given them an empowering example of financial responsibility: yours and theirs both.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Parents-in-laws are here, finally.
Last Saturday we fetched my PILs at the airport early in the morning. They were taking the A380 SQ flight from Singapore. My FIL complained about the narrow leg room, and my hubby actually complained about the same thing the last time we took the flight. I was surprised that hubby didn't warned FIL in advance on what to expect from A380.
They love the weather that morning, it was a cool morning. But somehow towards the afternoon, the weather got warmer and warmer (almost up to 30 degrees). We had to tell them that they happened to arrive on a peculiarly hot day. We even accused them of bringing Singapore weather to Sydney.
Over the next few days, we took them to Shopping Mall (Rhodes, Bankstown) for them to buy their necessities and for mum to buy grocery shopping. I brought her home-cooked food for lunch since we stopped our 'rantangan'/tiffin.
They had to learn how to switch on/off the alarm of our apartment, learn to use the phone to let guest in, learn to separate garbage to recyclable and non-recyclable and learn to use dryer. I hope they could cope with the information-overload at such a short time.
But they are very happy, especially my FIL. He had dreamed of living in a foreign country since young so he said his dream came true now he's here. He started buying some potted plants that he could tend during the day. We subscribed to all Foxtel channels for them, my MIL would watch the food channels while FIL will watch the rest. We played badminton yesterday, just like what we used to do back in Singapore :)
They love the weather that morning, it was a cool morning. But somehow towards the afternoon, the weather got warmer and warmer (almost up to 30 degrees). We had to tell them that they happened to arrive on a peculiarly hot day. We even accused them of bringing Singapore weather to Sydney.
Over the next few days, we took them to Shopping Mall (Rhodes, Bankstown) for them to buy their necessities and for mum to buy grocery shopping. I brought her home-cooked food for lunch since we stopped our 'rantangan'/tiffin.
They had to learn how to switch on/off the alarm of our apartment, learn to use the phone to let guest in, learn to separate garbage to recyclable and non-recyclable and learn to use dryer. I hope they could cope with the information-overload at such a short time.
But they are very happy, especially my FIL. He had dreamed of living in a foreign country since young so he said his dream came true now he's here. He started buying some potted plants that he could tend during the day. We subscribed to all Foxtel channels for them, my MIL would watch the food channels while FIL will watch the rest. We played badminton yesterday, just like what we used to do back in Singapore :)
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