IVF, pregnancy, egg donor and adoption

Wow, it's been more than half a year since my last post. I was distracted with Facebook & was more active there since then.

Since my last post on us trying IUI in June, we subsequently found out that it was negative. We then went on to try IVF #1 in Aug-09 and we got 10 eggs from it (based on low dosage of Puregon) but only 2 of them made it to day 5 (blastocyst). We put 1 back into my womb and froze the other one. Still, we got a negative result from the fresh embryo we put back and we contemplated trying a new cycle of IVF #2 while leaving the frozen embryo for future use (since IVF costs were to increase in 2010).

During a discussion with our IVF doctor, we expressed our plan to start a new cycle and he agreeed to it. But subsequently the conversation evaluated the possibility of using the frozen embryo and we agreed to it! Only after I stepped out of his office that I realised that we are not doing what we planned to do! I felt a bit confused why we agreed to use the frozen embryo but we decided to just stick with it (and I was too lazy to call the doctor). Looking back, I think it is God's way of telling us that His way was better than our way (Isiah 55:8-9 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, "declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts"). I was pregnant from the frozen embryo I didn't plan to put back.

After our failed IVF #1 (before we started the frozen embryo transfer), we thought of giving this baby project our 100% our best since each cycle cost a lot, monetarily & maybe emotionally, and we're not getting any younger (my eggs were 34yrs old!). We decided that I would not work since my hours were long and & it could be quite stressful. So I told my boss in September and I was to serve my notification period until October. Only a few days before my last day that we got the BFP (big fat positive) results. It was great coz I got to tell the good news to my colleagues & boss, especially those who knew about my IVF journey (I was quite open and discuss about IVF with those who asked me about it). So I was pregnant & unemployed! The only drawback is that we have to postpone our plan to buy a house, probably until 2011 or 2012, since our financial position may change with baby onboard.

I planned to have an egg donation late 2010 too, probably a few months after giving birth. I saw an ads for egg donor request in Sep-09 and wanted to help her. We exchanged a few messages and I told her that if I'm not pregnant by June-2010 I would donate my eggs to her & moved on to adoption plan. But since I was pregnant subsequently, we postpone it until after birth & breastfeeding period. I felt guilty about planning to cut short the breastfeeding period but I think formula-fed would be a good alternative as well since a few friends formula-fed their babies.

It could've been me on her position, since we were struggling to have a baby too, like her. The fact that I am blessed with the experience of being pregnant makes me want to do my part to help her, knowing that I would wish somebody would help me too if I were in her position. I hope we would get to know each other during this period and maintain an open relationship after the donation. I would love to get to know the baby we're making (my egg, her womb and her husband's sperm) and would treat the baby as my close friend's baby or even my niece/nephew. It would be as if I have an adopted sister in Melbourne, that'd be nice!

After we buy a house, I hope to be able to lodge my adoption paper so it would be processed as early as possible. Hopefully we would get an addition by the time this baby turns 7 years. I have not researched too much about any restriction, but I would not mind trying another one (without IVF) during the 7 years' wait for the adoption. But I would need to check if it is allowed or if it would push back the waiting period even longer.

Now, I'm filling my time doing nothing much, which is good! I was planning to find a short-time contract job between now and May but it won't be easy as nobody wants to hire a pregnant staff. My friends advise me to enjoy the freedom now before baby arrives, so I would do just that. I'm thankful for my friends who gave me books to read about involving God in the pregnancy & birth period. Those books made me realise that I am a very pessimistic person and I felt undeserved of this baby, this life He's entrusting me to love & care. It's really hard to rely on faith alone and to trust that He has great plan for me. I always take the other way, preparing for any bad things that could happen to me so I won't blame God.